please follow my friend’s blog. :P thanks!
#16
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 16
Problem/Issue/Question/Comment: I know guys can hardly tell if they like someone and I like my guy friend since high school. Well, he had a gf who was also our classmate and after they broke up, i think he started flirting with me. I dont even know if he really flirted with me. *I’m one of the boys btw.*
He’d ask me if I wanted to go to the mall, text me to go to the school immediately and I’d see him waiting and sitting on the bench smiling at me while I’m walking towards him, ask my schedules, ask how I’m doing, once took me to our class room, only the two of us in there. We didn’t talk though. We just sat there silently, ask me if he could go with me whenever I have left something behind in our classroom or I need to talk to some teachers. once asked me if I wanted to be in his room when I visited his house. Of course, I refused & laughs at my jokes.
After the HS graduation, I started catching him starring/looking at me. We’ve made few eye contacts already. He’d ask for high fives. *He don’t do this to other girls.* He still asks how am I doing. He’s pretty much interested with my stories. He’d ask what I’ve been up to. He watched a movie twice because of me. We are in the same circle of friends but every time our friends would tell something about him, I’m pretty much involved “into his business” if you know what I mean. He tried to go to an event I attended. He seems excited when we go out on group date. He still laughs at my jokes.
But last time I saw him.. he acted very weird.
He seemed uncomfortable/nervous/excited (e.g. walked around, smiled alot.) He was looking at me while smiling because I had a headband on..
And I just turned 16 this December, three days after his birthday.. and he had a surprise for me which was a call from him *he’s abroad now* but I wasn’t able to see our another friend so he’d do it next time and I asked why he didn’t call me directly and said he had OTHER PLANS. Like WTH.
I want to know if he likes me or not. Advices will be appreciated too. SORRY IF LONG!!
Wow, that was pretty confusing lol. Sounds like he’s interested in you, but you were a little hard to follow, so I’m a little unsure of some of the details. Honestly, I think you should just bring it up and ask him sometime. Maybe not in such a blunt way, but if he’s sending you signals and appears to be flirting, you should say, “are you flirting with me?”, of course say it in the type of voice that shows that you like it. Love is such a mystery, because most people are afraid to communicate about it, so instead they sit there wondering. Don’t sit there wondering, speak up and communicate about it.
#15
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional):
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice you’ve given to people :]
Your very welcome. I’m unsure if I’ve directly given you advice or not, but if I have, I hope it at least helped a little bit. I have a passion for writing and a passion for helping others, which is why I started this blog. I’m glad that people are using it, and I hope that more people follow and contribute by reblogging and adding their own comments. Odds are, if you have a problem, somebody else out there has been there before, and has persevered through it. We often feel alone and hopeless, but I believe that there’s always someone out there who has been in our shoes, and knows exactly how we feel.
Thanks for the kind message, I really do appreciate it!
-emotionalanesthesia
#14
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 15, going on 16
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: I guess I would say I have a few problems or issues, between family-social-and school. Right now though I think school is plaguing me the most. I took the PPSATs (yep the practice for the practice) and the scores were given out the other day. I know you know where this is going…I’m not that original, this happens all the time but, it still sucks. I am a good student. I got my report card a few weeks ago, it was great-everything was positive with one class making a comment about staying on point. Ive grown leaps and bounds since my freshman year
I digress, I did horribly on the PPSATs, probably the worst in my grade. I felt/feel like an idiot, fuck up failure. I feel like I have let down my dad. When I talked to him about it I ended up bawling my eyes out and we had a screaming match-leading to me locking myself in my room. My mom was sensitive and understanding. Some of my friends through out the day earlier had tried to cheer me up. One guy friend (this guy friend is a whole problem on his own-maybe ill post again about it) brought me a chocolate bar and an energy drink to school for me the next day. I know it doesnt count, its the practice for the practice but i still feel like shit, I feel like everyone thinks less of me, that Im such an idiot. I feel like Im falling into my old ways, like last year-constantly fighting with my rents and borderline depressed. Its only been a few days but last night there were a ton of fights with parents which led to me storming to my room after my father made some very insensitive, selfish comments.
I just feel like a mess. I don’t know how to pull myself out of this feeling.
The entire SAT process including PSATs and PPSATs can be very stressful. I knew a lot of good students who struggled with them, including one of my best friends who was on high honor roll and in the top 25 of my class which included about 350 students. We actually did not have PPSATs when I was in High School, but we did have PSATs. My friend scored very low his first time taking them, and he was pretty upset about it as well. He ended up doing classes and taking some practice tests, and he improved his score drastically. Although SATs are important when applying for college, there are many other things that matter, like your GPA or extra curricular activities, which always make a good impression. Since you are a good student, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You took the PPSATs for a reason, so that you can prepare yourself for the SATs when the time comes. It’s alright that you didn’t do well, you have plenty of time to look into classes and practice. It is a hassle, but it’s worth it in the end. I would recommend speaking to your guidance counselor about what options you have involving preparation and improving your score. Don’t feel like an idiot, it was your first time taking them. You need to realize that you are intelligent, and that you’ll be okay.
As far as your parents, it really appears that your dad is lacking in communication skills. I’m sorry if that offends you, but he should not be yelling at you and making you feel like an idiot because of one PPSAT score. Your mom seems to be more supportive and understanding, so that’s good. Normally I think it’s important to listen to your parents, but parents are people, and people are not always right. As I said, the entire SAT process can be quite stressful, and you don’t need the added stress of arguing with your parents, specifically your father. I’m going to suggest that you ignore your dad’s comments, and the things he says regarding your PPSAT score. Instead, you need to surround yourself with people who will support and assist you, which your mom seems to be doing. You’ll be okay, and you will improve, but it will help if you have a positive environment to work in. It sounds like you have some great friends who are willing to go out of their way to help you, and that’s great. Don’t be depressed, and don’t feel like an idiot, because your not. You’re young, you’re smart, and you have great friends. You have a bright future ahead of you, you just need to believe in yourself. Don’t worry about what other people think or say, and don’t worry about being judged. In the end, it’s just one test, and it does not define who you are. You have time on your side, and I have a feeling you’ll be just fine. If things don’t improve with your parents, you’re just going to have to cope, and try to minimize the arguing. In doing so, you’ll reduce the amount of stress in your life, and it will be easier for you to focus on school and the SATs. Before you know it, you’ll be in college and probably away from home. Just hang in there and realize that you’re intelligent, and you will succeed.
-emotionalanesthesia
#13
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): Early twenties.
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: I can’t seem to let go of a mistake I made quite some time ago. I was in a relationship I was really happy with and couldn’t imagine being out of. This was the first time in a very long time I had been completely honest with both my partner and myself. So this mistake I made, I cheated, and I’ve been holding that in my heart for the past six months. It’s crazy to think I’ve been feeling this way for so long but I can’t seem to get rid of it or shake it.
I have long since accepted that that relationship is over and will never again ignite, but I can not forgive myself for what I have done. If I was happy, why did I allow myself to ruin it? I honestly can’t think of a single reason as to why I did what I did.
I’d like her to forgive me, though even if she did I know I don’t deserve it and I’d have difficulty accepting it anyway.
Well.. I guess I’m just asking for advice on how to forgive myself. It’s inhibiting who I am and the relationships I’m having now, even with friends. Physical contact makes me uncomfortable, even something as innocent as a hug causes me to tense and pull away. Being touched almost disgusts me.
Any suggestions on how to make that change?
First off, everyone makes mistakes, EVERYONE. Some are small, some are big, some are frequent, and some not so much. Either way, nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. What truly matters is how people deal with their mistakes after the fact. Some are never willing to own up to what they did, and some keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and never learn. Cheating is a very common mistake that people deal with every single day. In your case, it’s clear to me that you were truly in love, which is why you’re still beating yourself up over it. You say you have accepted that the relationship is over for good, but part of accepting that is forgiving yourself. You probably have, but if you haven’t, tell her exactly what you’ve told me. Tell her how you aren’t even the same person anymore, and how you are having trouble with all your other relationships. Most importantly, tell her that you love her, regardless of if you’ll ever share something special again. Odds are, you’ve already said all this. If there is no chance at all of getting back together, then you really need to think about your time here on Earth. It sounds silly, but life is short, and we’re all just temporary. Love is a wonderful thing, and if you don’t truly forgive yourself, you’ll end up living your life without it. I know how it feels after you lose somebody you love, no matter what the circumstances. The bottom line is that, you made a mistake, and now it’s time to learn from it. It’s a growing process, a valuable life lesson, and you need to realize this. I know it seems like nobody will ever replace what you had, but the world is filled with amazing people, dying to meet you. I’d hate to see someone special come around, only to be overlooked because you can’t forgive yourself. I think it will get easier over time, it just may take a while. Just remember that everybody makes mistakes, now it’s up to you to learn and move forward. Don’t be unfair to yourself, don’t prevent yourself from experiencing love and affection. I know that you are truly sorry for what you did, and because of that, you deserve a second chance. You deserve a fresh start, so take it, because life is short, and living in the past will negatively affect your future. Don’t feel bad about meeting someone new, or enjoying physical contact, whether it be a hug or a kiss. You deserve these things, you deserve to be happy. You made a mistake, like all humans do, but it’s time to forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy. If you’d like to talk more, just use the formspring and i’ll give you my AIM or something.
-emotionalanesthesia
#12
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional):
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: First, there’s a boy I dated for a while. I felt like I was in love, honestly and truly. But after a while, we kept getting in fights. All we did was argue and cry and break up. Then we’d always get back together.
Then, as hard as it is for me to say this, there’s another boy. One that I’ve been dating for quite awhile now.
The thing is, I’m still together with the first boy. If you catch my drift..
I am ashamed of this, it hurts me telling them both I care for them. But I truly do.
The only thing stopping me from breaking up with boy #2 is the security and comfort he gives me. I feel like with boy #1, we could never have a happy life together, as much as I want to try. I know it is needed that I let go of one, but I’ve been trying so hard to decide which to pick.
#1: Love&Arguments&Uncertainty
#2: Care&Security&AFuture
I guess the real question here is,
what do I do?
First, let me make it clear that what I’m about to write is my own opinion, based on personal experience and what I’ve learned through all the relationships I’ve been in. I was in a three year relationship where we ended up fighting a lot, and it ended up being more stressful than anything else. I thought I was in love, and after the breakup I was devastated. It’s been two years since the break up, and I can honestly say that it really wasn’t true love at all. It was love, but we were definitely not right for each other, as far as spending the rest of our lives together. Because of the relationship and the break up, I’ve learned a lot, not only about love, but about life, myself, and others. I learned that just because a relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean it was a waste of time. My last relationship really helped me to mature and learn, and directly influenced who I am today. In a sense, it really prepared me well for my next relationship, whenever that happens. Even with all the fighting (especially at the end), and the horrible break up, I would never go back and undo things. I believe we were together for a reason, but the reason wasn’t about finding the right person, it was about learning and growing, and we helped each other do that.
As far as your situation, you’re not going to like what I have to say, but I’m saying it anyway, because I don’t like lying to people. First of all, what you’re doing is wrong. Personally, I don’t think you deserve either of them, since you’re basically dating both and lying to them about it. And according to my ethics class that I took back in college, you’re guilty of “lying by omission”. If you really cared about either of them, you wouldn’t be doing this. How would you feel if you you were dating one guy, and he was dating another girl behind your back? And when the shit hits the fan, his excuse to you is that he cared about you both and couldn’t make up his mind. Would you like that? Okay, I’m done getting on your case. I’m sorry, I just wanted to get my point across. To be completely honest, I don’t think either of these guys is “the one”, but like I said, just because they aren’t the one doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time. A relationship is a valuable experience. My advice to you is to just follow your heart and choose the one who truly makes you happy. Whatever you do, you need to to make your decision very soon. People find stuff out, and people talk, it always happens and it always will happen. If you continue down this path, you’ll end up losing them both, and you’ll have a bad reputation. Also, if you don’t love someone, or at least like them a lot, you shouldn’t be dating them just for the security of having somebody there. If I had to give you more specific advice, I’d tell you to break up with the first guy, who you’ve already broken up with numerous times. It seems to me like you guys have had your shot for now, you tried, and it’s just time to move on really. The good thing is that people do change and mature, and in the future maybe you two would be able to be together without the fighting. I’m not quite sure because I don’t know how old you are, so it’s sort of difficult for me to give you specifics. Sorry again for the harsh words. I know that you realize what you’re doing is wrong and you do feel bad about it, but I think it still needed to be said, so I hope you’re not mad at me. Also, everybody makes mistakes, but it’s how you deal with them that defines what type of person you are. So, with that being said, good luck with everything, and remember, it’s okay to be single, sometimes we all need time alone to figure things out.
-emotionalanesthesia
#11
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 16
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: Dear E.A,
I met this guy last summer while i was visiting my extended family. When we saw each other, no joke, it felt like we were the only two people in the world. It was ridiculous. After two weeks I found out he felt the same way. Unfortunately, the night he told me he felt that way too was the night before I was going back home. We live 3,900 miles away from each other. We never even got to hold hands. Anyways… ever since then we have been talking all the time until recently when he went off to military college. I’m only a junior in high school. And I know that there isn’t a large selection of girls in military college but still, its just so difficult to talk to him. Especially since we can’t talk on the phone. The only way we talk is on facebook chat. Which I can’t stand. I miss him so much, but it seems like he has moved on from me. I mean if he did still care about me you would think that he might send me a message or something, even if I wasn’t online right? Well that’s my !
take on it. But I mean I’m not really sending him a message either… I don’t know, I just feel like he should be the one to talk to me first. Because whenever I have tried to talk to him first I somehow end up getting screwed over. Also, as much as I am in love with him, I don’t want to be. It’s killing me right now not being able to talk to him, how am I supposed to last if he gets deployed?! I just.. I don’t know what to do… I’m not sure what type of advice you can give me but, it was nice to just vent this all out to someone.
I have another problem too.. My bestfriend that I have known since I was 3, has gotten into drugs. We have fought over her doing them for a really long time because I am so opposed to them. Recently, something happened which really made me put my foot down. I told her that it was either she quit doing drugs or we weren’t friends. She said that she’ll think about it. Not the right answer. We aren’t speaking now. Did I do the right thing? I don’t know anymore.
That’s a really cute story, and it’s amazing how two people can bond in such a short period of time. Sometimes everything just feels so right, and I know it must be awful never being able to see him or talk to him that much. Unfortunately, the combination of the nearly 4,000 miles apart with the fact that he is in the military, which takes up nearly all of a person’s time. It’s so hard, looking back at when you two first met, remembering those two weeks, and wondering what could have been. If you have feelings for a person, I believe you should let them know, sooner rather than later. Anything can happen, and too often, by the time we get around to opening up, it’s too late. Anyway, It sounds like you are really into this guy, so don’t ever give up on it completely. I believe that if you truly love somebody, you don’t ever give up. Do however, be realistic about the situation. You need to realize that you two have a slim chance of making a relationship work, and you have to be okay with this, and accept this. I would do your best to keep in touch with him, but it’s going to take initiation on your end because being in military school is usually very time consuming. I know it’s tough, but realize how many people there are in this world, how many amazing people there are that you haven’t even met yet. I’ve been in your situation and it sucks, but after a long enough time, I realized that with all the people in this world, I was truly lucky to meet this girl. I was lucky to get to talk to her. I was lucky to even know her name, because in a world as big as ours, I could have easily never met her at all. I could have easily not even known she existed, and although that would have fixed the emptiness inside, I would never want to erase a person like that from my memory.
Okay, so as far as your friend, it would help to know the drug(s) being used, but long story short, I think you could have gone about it a bit differently. It’s obvious you are very much against drugs, and that’s alright. Part of it is a matter of personal opinion really. The thing is that, even though you disagree with your friend’s drug use, you shouldn’t completely stop being friends with her. Think about why you are friends in the first place. What qualities about her make her a good friend? Think about all the childhood memories you have of her. My point is that it’s your job as a friend to help her, not abandon her and reject her for her flaws. If you think she needs help, you need to try to help, but as a friend. Threatening to terminate a friendship isn’t the right way to go in my opinion. It’s very difficult for me to give you any specific advice, since I don’t know the specifics, what drugs, how often per week, is it affecting her personality and changing who she is in a negative manner? There’s a lot of factors that matter. In general, whatever you do, be honest with her. I can’t imagine you’d want to just throw away such a long friendship, and you did say “best friend” too, right? Tell her you value your friendship and care about her, and you don’t want to lose her as a friend, and you just weren’t thinking clearly earlier. You need to talk to her like a best friend, hear her side of the story, find out what going on, and see if you can help her out. It would also help if I knew what happened that made you put your foot down. My opinion on drugs is that they aren’t all bad, it’s just a matter of being responsible while using them, just like one should be responsible with alcohol. I also think unless you’ve used drugs, it’s very tough to fully understand a user, as far as their through process or addiction. I wish I could help more, but that’s about all I can say right now. Feel free to leave a follow up. Thanks!
-emotionalanesthesia
#10
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 14
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: So for past 2 years most of my friends have been getting boyfriends left and right. Which makes me feel awkward because I’ve barely dated in my life. And its pretty much due to my weight. I’ve always struggled with it, and its a huge insecurity for me. Its always in the back of my mind reminding myself how over-weight I am. It makes me so self concious and it comes to points where I try everything from starvation to trying to make myself vomit. Neither works. I don’t wanna be super skinny like most girls just to have a boyfriend, I would just like to be able to be comfortable with myself and not be ashamed when I’m out shopping or at a restaurant. But it would be nice to be in a relationship. I have a great personality and can make friends in minutes. I’m really not even shy when I talk to boys, but I just know that I don’t have a chance. I really don’t know how to make myself happy anymore.
It’s hard watching your friends date, and feel like the odd one out. You are extremely young though, and have plenty of time to date and meet new people. Yes, people are shallow and sometimes mean, but there are genuinely nice people out there who aren’t. It’s just a matter of finding them really. A lot of people your age haven’t dated much, and to be quite honest, it isn’t a race.
I understand that it is sometimes difficult to love yourself, especially when you feel like nobody else does. The thing about it is that loving yourself makes you more appealing to others. Self confidence is an attractive quality. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy being confident in yourself. Often times we dislike ourselves because of physical reasons, but there are plenty of other reasons too. You have to realize that nearly everybody struggles with their own reasons of why they don’t like themselves. What you need to do is think about all the things you do like about yourself, and use them to boost your self confidence. I’m sure there’s a lot of positive traits and qualities to think about. Love yourself for all these things about you. Make sure to think about them whenever you feel insecure about yourself.
As far as losing weight, it sounds like you’ve had no luck. All I can tell you is to try smaller and more frequent meals spread out over the same amount of time. It’s better for your metabolism and it doesn’t leave you hungry. Also, if you haven’t, try cutting out sugar, which means no pop, or soda, whatever you call it, and no sweets. Sugar is really bad for you when it comes to your weight. I know people who have lost 20 or 30 pounds just by switching to diet pop and cutting out some other sugary foods. Good luck with everything, keep me updated!
-emotionalanesthesia
#9 continued
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 18
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: He lives over 100 miles away. He’s in another state and its been about 3 to 4 months since he told me things couldn’t work.
I don’t know if I should tell him because I have a good feeling he’s over me.
Over 100 miles does make things difficult. However, sometimes people seem like they over something, and when in reality they aren’t at all. Was it difficult for him also, when he told you things wouldn’t work? I know it took me close to a year to get over my last relationship, and the funny thing is that I now realize that we were completely wrong for each other. There were times where I was happy and in love, but overall it was stressful and we just weren’t meant to be together forever. I do however think we were meant to be with each other, just not forever. I learned a lot during the relationship and even more afterward. I learned a lot about myself, about others, and about life and love. Unless one of you plans on moving closer to the other, I’m going to be honest and tell you that the chances of getting back together are slim, considering the distance involved. But like I said earlier, maybe one day you’ll be closer to each other and things will be different. I still think he should know that you miss him, and not just miss him as a friend, which I’m not sure if he does or not. Did you two ever discuss college plans to maybe be closer? Anyway, I’m sorry I can’t help you out more, but if you ever need to talk, just let me know!
-emotionalanesthesia
#9
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 18
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: There’s this boy. Him and I liked each other a lot. So much that he would fall asleep on the phone with me, telling me the sweetest things I’ve ever heard.
Then the day came where he told me it wouldn’t work because we were too far away. And I wanted to cry. I wanted to just run to him and tell him things could work.
But I couldn’t. Things died down and he got over me after a long while and now we’re friends.
The problem is, I haven’t gotten over him. I miss him so much and I can’t help it.
He’s talking to other girls which I’m happy about but one of my friends likes him too. She doesn’t know that I miss him and she thinks we’re both over it.
I’ve contemplated somehow ruining it but I decided to be the bigger person and just let…them happen. If they do happen. But he does seem somewhat fond of her.
I just, I just want him back. I want to hear the sweet things he used to say to me. I want to know that he still thinks of me and that if things were different, he’d still want to be mine.
I just miss him so much.
First, I think it’s great that you two are both still friends. It would help if I knew how far away you two lived from each other, but in general, long distance relationships can be difficult. I was with somebody for nearly three years who lived about an hour away, and it was tough. I know an hour drive isn’t too bad, since some relationships involve people who lives hundreds of miles apart, but it still made things difficult. I’d like to know how long it’s been since he told you things wouldn’t work out. If you still haven’t gotten over him, maybe it’s time to let him know exactly how you feel. I understand that you don’t want to mess things up between him and another girl, especially your friend, and that shows a lot of maturity. The fact is that you still have feelings for this guy, and I think he should at least know. There’s always a chance for getting back together, and it helps that you are still young. Maybe it won’t happen tomorrow, or next month or even next year, but you won’t ever know unless you tell him that you still have feelings for him. Good luck with everything, and be happy that you’re still friends, that helps a lot if you ever did want to get back together. Always remember that love has no boundaries.
-emotionalanesthesia
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#8
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 17
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: Is friendship worth it, when you are beaten down?
I have this friend, and she can be an absolutely amazing friend. She is always there to listen and to help me sort out my problems, but sometimes she critizes me. She will tell me, not flat out, but hide it behind certain words, that I am stupid. I am not stupid. She acts as though just because she knew about something first, she has dibbs on it, and I can’t like it or have any interest in it, and if I do, she gets extremely mad. She will get mad at me over the tiniest things, and then somehow she makes me apologize to her even though it was never my fault to begin with. All in all, I personally don’t want to be her friend sometimes. I hate how she makes me mad, sad, upset. It just doesn’t seem worth it. So tell me, is it? Is it worth it to put up with it?
Let me ask you this. Would you put up with this from somebody you were dating? Would you put up with them repeatedly making you feel less important, mad, sad, and upset like you say? This isn’t just a matter of friendship, it’s a matter of how you should be treated as a person. You have a choice, and you don’t have to sit there and take it, even if it is from a friend. Friends shouldn’t treat other friends that way, and to me, it shows a sign that she has a problem. It seems to me that she is selfish and wants to be the center of attention all of the time. Since she can sometimes be a good friend, and listens and helps with your problems, I would suggest talking to her about this. Stand up for yourself and let her know that you don’t like or appreciate the way she treats you sometimes. Explain how it makes you feel and that if things don’t change, you don’t know how much longer you two can be friends. I know it’s tough to do, but you can’t let people do that to you over and over again, it’s just not a healthy friendship. There are a lot of people in this world who would make an excellent friend, and won’t make you feel like crap all the time. Like I said, you have a choice. You control your life, and you control how people treat you. Sitting there and accepting negative treatment will only make things worse. You need to let your friend know that this is not okay with you. At the same time, make a point to tell her that you do value your friendship, and you do appreciate that she listens to your problems. Tell her that you don’t want to lose her but something needs to change. Also, the next time she wants you to apologize, maybe you should tell her that she’s the one who needs to apologize. I really hope everything works out for you. Good luck!
-emotionalanesthesia
