#8

Gender (optional): Female

Age (optional): 17

Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: Is friendship worth it, when you are beaten down?

I have this friend, and she can be an absolutely amazing friend. She is always there to listen and to help me sort out my problems, but sometimes she critizes me. She will tell me, not flat out, but hide it behind certain words, that I am stupid. I am not stupid. She acts as though just because she knew about something first, she has dibbs on it, and I can’t like it or have any interest in it, and if I do, she gets extremely mad. She will get mad at me over the tiniest things, and then somehow she makes me apologize to her even though it was never my fault to begin with. All in all, I personally don’t want to be her friend sometimes. I hate how she makes me mad, sad, upset. It just doesn’t seem worth it. So tell me, is it? Is it worth it to put up with it?

Let me ask you this.  Would you put up with this from somebody you were dating?  Would you put up with them repeatedly making you feel less important, mad, sad, and upset like you say?  This isn’t just a matter of friendship, it’s a matter of how you should be treated as a person.  You have a choice, and you don’t have to sit there and take it, even if it is from a friend.  Friends shouldn’t treat other friends that way, and to me, it shows a sign that she has a problem.  It seems to me that she is selfish and wants to be the center of attention all of the time.  Since she can sometimes be a good friend, and listens and helps with your problems, I would suggest talking to her about this.  Stand up for yourself and let her know that you don’t like or appreciate the way she treats you sometimes.  Explain how it makes you feel and that if things don’t change, you don’t know how much longer you two can be friends.  I know it’s tough to do, but you can’t let people do that to you over and over again, it’s just not a healthy friendship.  There are a lot of people in this world who would make an excellent friend, and won’t make you feel like crap all the time.  Like I said, you have a choice.  You control your life, and you control how people treat you.  Sitting there and accepting negative treatment will only make things worse.  You need to let your friend know that this is not okay with you.  At the same time, make a point to tell her that you do value your friendship, and you do appreciate that she listens to your problems.  Tell her that you don’t want to lose her but something needs to change.  Also, the next time she wants you to apologize, maybe you should tell her that she’s the one who needs to apologize.  I really hope everything works out for you. Good luck!

-emotionalanesthesia