#11

Gender (optional): Female

Age (optional): 16

Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: Dear E.A,
I met this guy last summer while i was visiting my extended family. When we saw each other, no joke, it felt like we were the only two people in the world. It was ridiculous. After two weeks I found out he felt the same way. Unfortunately, the night he told me he felt that way too was the night before I was going back home. We live 3,900 miles away from each other. We never even got to hold hands. Anyways… ever since then we have been talking all the time until recently when he went off to military college. I’m only a junior in high school. And I know that there isn’t a large selection of girls in military college but still, its just so difficult to talk to him. Especially since we can’t talk on the phone. The only way we talk is on facebook chat. Which I can’t stand. I miss him so much, but it seems like he has moved on from me. I mean if he did still care about me you would think that he might send me a message or something, even if I wasn’t online right? Well that’s my !
take on it. But I mean I’m not really sending him a message either… I don’t know, I just feel like he should be the one to talk to me first. Because whenever I have tried to talk to him first I somehow end up getting screwed over. Also, as much as I am in love with him, I don’t want to be. It’s killing me right now not being able to talk to him, how am I supposed to last if he gets deployed?! I just.. I don’t know what to do… I’m not sure what type of advice you can give me but, it was nice to just vent this all out to someone.

I have another problem too.. My bestfriend that I have known since I was 3, has gotten into drugs. We have fought over her doing them for a really long time because I am so opposed to them. Recently, something happened which really made me put my foot down. I told her that it was either she quit doing drugs or we weren’t friends. She said that she’ll think about it. Not the right answer. We aren’t speaking now. Did I do the right thing? I don’t know anymore.

That’s a really cute story, and it’s amazing how two people can bond in such a short period of time.  Sometimes everything just feels so right, and I know it must be awful never being able to see him or talk to him that much.  Unfortunately, the combination of the nearly 4,000 miles apart with the fact that he is in the military, which takes up nearly all of a person’s time.  It’s so hard, looking back at when you two first met, remembering those two weeks, and wondering what could have been.  If you have feelings for a person, I believe you should let them know, sooner rather than later.  Anything can happen, and too often, by the time we get around to opening up, it’s too late.  Anyway,  It sounds like you are really into this guy, so don’t ever give up on it completely.  I believe that if you truly love somebody, you don’t ever give up.  Do however, be realistic about the situation.  You need to realize that you two have a slim chance of making a relationship work, and you have to be okay with this, and accept this.  I would do your best to keep in touch with him, but it’s going to take initiation on your end because being in military school is usually very time consuming.  I know it’s tough, but realize how many people there are in this world, how many amazing people there are that you haven’t even met yet.  I’ve been in your situation and it sucks, but after a long enough time, I realized that with all the people in this world, I was truly lucky to meet this girl.  I was lucky to get to talk to her.  I was lucky to even know her name, because in a world as big as ours, I could have easily never met her at all.  I could have easily not even known she existed, and although that would have fixed the emptiness inside, I would never want to erase a person like that from my memory.

Okay, so as far as your friend, it would help to know the drug(s) being used, but long story short, I think you could have gone about it a bit differently.  It’s obvious you are very much against drugs, and that’s alright.  Part of it is a matter of personal opinion really.  The thing is that, even though you disagree with your friend’s drug use, you shouldn’t completely stop being friends with her.  Think about why you are friends in the first place.  What qualities about her make her a good friend?  Think about all the childhood memories you have of her.  My point is that it’s your job as a friend to help her, not abandon her and reject her for her flaws.  If you think she needs help, you need to try to help, but as a friend.  Threatening to terminate a friendship isn’t the right way to go in my opinion.  It’s very difficult for me to give you any specific advice, since I don’t know the specifics, what drugs, how often per week, is it affecting her personality and changing who she is in a negative manner?  There’s a lot of factors that matter.  In general, whatever you do, be honest with her.  I can’t imagine you’d want to just throw away such a long friendship, and you did say “best friend” too, right?  Tell her you value your friendship and care about her, and you don’t want to lose her as a friend, and you just weren’t thinking clearly earlier.  You need to talk to her like a best friend, hear her side of the story, find out what going on, and see if you can help her out.  It would also help if I knew what happened that made you put your foot down.  My opinion on drugs is that they aren’t all bad, it’s just a matter of being responsible while using them, just like one should be responsible with alcohol.  I also think unless you’ve used drugs, it’s very tough to fully understand a user, as far as their through process or addiction.  I wish I could help more, but that’s about all I can say right now.  Feel free to leave a follow up.  Thanks!

-emotionalanesthesia