#12
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional):
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: First, there’s a boy I dated for a while. I felt like I was in love, honestly and truly. But after a while, we kept getting in fights. All we did was argue and cry and break up. Then we’d always get back together.
Then, as hard as it is for me to say this, there’s another boy. One that I’ve been dating for quite awhile now.
The thing is, I’m still together with the first boy. If you catch my drift..
I am ashamed of this, it hurts me telling them both I care for them. But I truly do.
The only thing stopping me from breaking up with boy #2 is the security and comfort he gives me. I feel like with boy #1, we could never have a happy life together, as much as I want to try. I know it is needed that I let go of one, but I’ve been trying so hard to decide which to pick.
#1: Love&Arguments&Uncertainty
#2: Care&Security&AFuture
I guess the real question here is,
what do I do?
First, let me make it clear that what I’m about to write is my own opinion, based on personal experience and what I’ve learned through all the relationships I’ve been in. I was in a three year relationship where we ended up fighting a lot, and it ended up being more stressful than anything else. I thought I was in love, and after the breakup I was devastated. It’s been two years since the break up, and I can honestly say that it really wasn’t true love at all. It was love, but we were definitely not right for each other, as far as spending the rest of our lives together. Because of the relationship and the break up, I’ve learned a lot, not only about love, but about life, myself, and others. I learned that just because a relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean it was a waste of time. My last relationship really helped me to mature and learn, and directly influenced who I am today. In a sense, it really prepared me well for my next relationship, whenever that happens. Even with all the fighting (especially at the end), and the horrible break up, I would never go back and undo things. I believe we were together for a reason, but the reason wasn’t about finding the right person, it was about learning and growing, and we helped each other do that.
As far as your situation, you’re not going to like what I have to say, but I’m saying it anyway, because I don’t like lying to people. First of all, what you’re doing is wrong. Personally, I don’t think you deserve either of them, since you’re basically dating both and lying to them about it. And according to my ethics class that I took back in college, you’re guilty of “lying by omission”. If you really cared about either of them, you wouldn’t be doing this. How would you feel if you you were dating one guy, and he was dating another girl behind your back? And when the shit hits the fan, his excuse to you is that he cared about you both and couldn’t make up his mind. Would you like that? Okay, I’m done getting on your case. I’m sorry, I just wanted to get my point across. To be completely honest, I don’t think either of these guys is “the one”, but like I said, just because they aren’t the one doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time. A relationship is a valuable experience. My advice to you is to just follow your heart and choose the one who truly makes you happy. Whatever you do, you need to to make your decision very soon. People find stuff out, and people talk, it always happens and it always will happen. If you continue down this path, you’ll end up losing them both, and you’ll have a bad reputation. Also, if you don’t love someone, or at least like them a lot, you shouldn’t be dating them just for the security of having somebody there. If I had to give you more specific advice, I’d tell you to break up with the first guy, who you’ve already broken up with numerous times. It seems to me like you guys have had your shot for now, you tried, and it’s just time to move on really. The good thing is that people do change and mature, and in the future maybe you two would be able to be together without the fighting. I’m not quite sure because I don’t know how old you are, so it’s sort of difficult for me to give you specifics. Sorry again for the harsh words. I know that you realize what you’re doing is wrong and you do feel bad about it, but I think it still needed to be said, so I hope you’re not mad at me. Also, everybody makes mistakes, but it’s how you deal with them that defines what type of person you are. So, with that being said, good luck with everything, and remember, it’s okay to be single, sometimes we all need time alone to figure things out.
-emotionalanesthesia
