#14
Gender (optional): Female
Age (optional): 15, going on 16
Problem/Issue/Question/Etc.: I guess I would say I have a few problems or issues, between family-social-and school. Right now though I think school is plaguing me the most. I took the PPSATs (yep the practice for the practice) and the scores were given out the other day. I know you know where this is going…I’m not that original, this happens all the time but, it still sucks. I am a good student. I got my report card a few weeks ago, it was great-everything was positive with one class making a comment about staying on point. Ive grown leaps and bounds since my freshman year
I digress, I did horribly on the PPSATs, probably the worst in my grade. I felt/feel like an idiot, fuck up failure. I feel like I have let down my dad. When I talked to him about it I ended up bawling my eyes out and we had a screaming match-leading to me locking myself in my room. My mom was sensitive and understanding. Some of my friends through out the day earlier had tried to cheer me up. One guy friend (this guy friend is a whole problem on his own-maybe ill post again about it) brought me a chocolate bar and an energy drink to school for me the next day. I know it doesnt count, its the practice for the practice but i still feel like shit, I feel like everyone thinks less of me, that Im such an idiot. I feel like Im falling into my old ways, like last year-constantly fighting with my rents and borderline depressed. Its only been a few days but last night there were a ton of fights with parents which led to me storming to my room after my father made some very insensitive, selfish comments.
I just feel like a mess. I don’t know how to pull myself out of this feeling.
The entire SAT process including PSATs and PPSATs can be very stressful. I knew a lot of good students who struggled with them, including one of my best friends who was on high honor roll and in the top 25 of my class which included about 350 students. We actually did not have PPSATs when I was in High School, but we did have PSATs. My friend scored very low his first time taking them, and he was pretty upset about it as well. He ended up doing classes and taking some practice tests, and he improved his score drastically. Although SATs are important when applying for college, there are many other things that matter, like your GPA or extra curricular activities, which always make a good impression. Since you are a good student, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You took the PPSATs for a reason, so that you can prepare yourself for the SATs when the time comes. It’s alright that you didn’t do well, you have plenty of time to look into classes and practice. It is a hassle, but it’s worth it in the end. I would recommend speaking to your guidance counselor about what options you have involving preparation and improving your score. Don’t feel like an idiot, it was your first time taking them. You need to realize that you are intelligent, and that you’ll be okay.
As far as your parents, it really appears that your dad is lacking in communication skills. I’m sorry if that offends you, but he should not be yelling at you and making you feel like an idiot because of one PPSAT score. Your mom seems to be more supportive and understanding, so that’s good. Normally I think it’s important to listen to your parents, but parents are people, and people are not always right. As I said, the entire SAT process can be quite stressful, and you don’t need the added stress of arguing with your parents, specifically your father. I’m going to suggest that you ignore your dad’s comments, and the things he says regarding your PPSAT score. Instead, you need to surround yourself with people who will support and assist you, which your mom seems to be doing. You’ll be okay, and you will improve, but it will help if you have a positive environment to work in. It sounds like you have some great friends who are willing to go out of their way to help you, and that’s great. Don’t be depressed, and don’t feel like an idiot, because your not. You’re young, you’re smart, and you have great friends. You have a bright future ahead of you, you just need to believe in yourself. Don’t worry about what other people think or say, and don’t worry about being judged. In the end, it’s just one test, and it does not define who you are. You have time on your side, and I have a feeling you’ll be just fine. If things don’t improve with your parents, you’re just going to have to cope, and try to minimize the arguing. In doing so, you’ll reduce the amount of stress in your life, and it will be easier for you to focus on school and the SATs. Before you know it, you’ll be in college and probably away from home. Just hang in there and realize that you’re intelligent, and you will succeed.
-emotionalanesthesia
